Inside the Mind of Isadora

Friday Fictioneers – The Flame Flickered

28 Comments

Friday Fictioneers - moon-and-sky1.webPhoto Prompt – ©Madison Woods

I can see the flicker from my living room window, especially on this blackened night. I know it’s that damn candle. The flame is flickering like a bolt of lightning piercing through the sky.

I can’t understand why Mona wanted someone to take care of the horses. I was still capable after my heart attack.

Dang, doesn’t that cowhand get it??? That barn could go up in flames in a minute and light up the sky.

My patience is wearing thin.

But, I’m reduced to silence. I know what she’ll say.

“No need to worry, honey, it’ll be fine.” “Relax.”

2015©isadora delavega

 

Genre: Fiction
Word Count: 100 Words

 To join Rochelle and her Friday Fictioneers in this challenge click here:
****** Revision: I revised two line to help the reader better understand who the main character (the husband) is referring to.
To maintain the 100 word count, I eliminated a word in one sentence and made it two sentences.
Hope this makes the story flow better.
Thank you for my blog critiques.
Dang, didn’t he get it?> original line
Dang, doesn’t that cowhand get it?> revised line
But, I’m reduced to silence because I know what she’ll say>: original line
But, I’m reduced to silence. I know what she’ll say>: revised line
Cowhand – a cowboy employed to tend or ranch cattle or horses; a cowboy or cowgirl.

Author: Inside the Mind of Isadora

Intriguing, sensitive, mysterious, loving, artistic and crackling with excitement for life is a pretty good description of who I am. I just retired from the world of art where I sold my Artfully Designed Handmade Jewelry for 28 years; although, art will always be a part of whom I am no matter what venue I choose to express it.

28 thoughts on “Friday Fictioneers – The Flame Flickered

  1. I love the way you left threads in the story, it’s called,’ readers fill in the gaps! 🙂 I was keen to know more but also caught up with the story and later realised where you’re going with it!
    Blessings. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Lovely. I thought maybe there was an undercurrent story of romance between Mona and the cowhand… but maybe that was just me 🙂
    Cheers
    KT

    Liked by 1 person

    • I’m a bit behind in my replies but greatly appreciate your visit and comment, Wildbilbo.
      Yes, a romance was something I had thought about … a mid-life crisis for Mona because of her
      husbands illness – but 100 words stopped me in my tracks. I think the drama would be palpable though.
      Thanks again.
      Isadora 😎

      Liked by 1 person

  3. After I’ve learned what a cowhand is (thanks for the explanation 🙂 ) I got it. It’s always hard to delegate, and some people never learn to do it. Some are forced to do it, like your protagonist. Great story, very true. The glimpse in the battle with the word count was also interesting.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Yes, I struggle with the word count. I always want to have 100 words. I had thought about a little edgy
      drama with Mona and the cowhand but wasn’t able to bring it about. Perhaps, in the future I can do a
      longer version.
      I’m a bit late in responding. I do appreciate your visit and kind words about my story. Thank you … !!!
      Isadora 😎

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Querida Isadora

    Health limitations are difficult for anyone but for a man who’s always been in control, it’s intolerable. You’ve captured his frustration well.

    Shalom,

    Rochelle

    Liked by 1 person

    • Hola Rochelle,
      Yes, men find it frustrating to rest when ill. The limitations are signs of weakness for them.
      I had thought about a romance between Mona and the cowhand for more drama but I couldn’t
      quite get it written the way I wanted; perhaps, at another time.
      Thank you for stopping by and leaving your very nice comment. Be well …!!!
      Adios,
      Isadora 😎

      Like

  5. I sensed the frustration here. I also have some suspicions about Mona and the cowhand but then I think that’s just my mind… 🙂 Well done, nice that you’ve worked on it to get it the way you wanted.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Yes, indeed, he’s frustrated. I notice many older men tend to be edgy when they aren’t well or retired.
      I had thought about a romance between the cowhand and Mona but 100 words can be challenging to
      get that in. However, there’s no reason I couldn’t continue. 😊 I just have to find a little extra time.
      I am a bit late in responding but always appreciate your visits and comments, Sandra. Thank you …!!! 😎

      Liked by 1 person

  6. Sometimes silence says more than words. I’m sure she can read the anxiety on his face. I could. Well done.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. I see this as thoughts in one’s mind … thus nothing said, until the end.

    Liked by 1 person

    • WHEW … at last, someone understands what I was trying to do. I’ve never written in that style before. I was trying to approach the story from the man’s inner thoughts.
      The man in the story is thinking these thoughts because he’s struggling with his new health limitations. A tid-bit in there from my non-fiction health limitations right now. He isn’t speaking to anyone. He’s just contemplating why he is wife feels he can’t do as much but knows she’s right.
      Thank you, aFrank. You’ve lifted my writing spirits again. 😎

      Like

  8. I was a bit confused too, your explanation cleared it up 🙂 Nice job.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I’m sorry about the confusion. I guess I a should alter the part where I said, “he”. I may revise and add to the post. The man in the story is thinking these thoughts. He isn’t speaking to anyone.
      Thank you for your generous comment on writing it but I think it could have been better so the reader could know what’s going on. I will practice, practice, practice. 😎

      Like

  9. There are two sides to every story!

    Liked by 1 person

  10. I would say that if he doesn’t stop his worrying he is going to worry himself into another heart attack possibly a fatal one.

    Liked by 1 person

  11. I would be worrying, too! You created a lot of tension here. Just a question. Who is the “he” in “Didn’t he get it?” I was thinking it was a man who had a heart attack and his wife was taking care of the horses (and not to his liking). Or did Mona hire a man…?

    Liked by 1 person

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