Photo Prompt – ©Madison Woods
I can see the flicker from my living room window, especially on this blackened night. I know it’s that damn candle. The flame is flickering like a bolt of lightning piercing through the sky.
I can’t understand why Mona wanted someone to take care of the horses. I was still capable after my heart attack.
Dang, doesn’t that cowhand get it??? That barn could go up in flames in a minute and light up the sky.
My patience is wearing thin.
But, I’m reduced to silence. I know what she’ll say.
“No need to worry, honey, it’ll be fine.” “Relax.”
2015©isadora delavega
Genre: Fiction
Word Count: 100 Words
****** Revision: I revised two line to help the reader better understand who the main character (the husband) is referring to.
To maintain the 100 word count, I eliminated a word in one sentence and made it two sentences.
Hope this makes the story flow better.
Thank you for my blog critiques.
Dang, didn’t he get it?> original line
Dang, doesn’t that cowhand get it?> revised line
Dang, doesn’t that cowhand get it?> revised line
But, I’m reduced to silence because I know what she’ll say>: original line
But, I’m reduced to silence. I know what she’ll say>: revised line
But, I’m reduced to silence. I know what she’ll say>: revised line
Cowhand – a cowboy employed to tend or ranch cattle or horses; a cowboy or cowgirl.
Inside the Mind of Isadora 
August 17, 2015 at 7:00 pm
I love the way you left threads in the story, it’s called,’ readers fill in the gaps! 🙂 I was keen to know more but also caught up with the story and later realised where you’re going with it!
Blessings. 🙂
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August 18, 2015 at 4:28 am
I really appreciate your visit, Seyi. I hadn’t heard of the description you’ve mentioned,’readers fill in the gap’. It’s very kind of you to have shared that with me. Thank You …!!! 😊
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August 19, 2015 at 7:29 pm
You’re welcome my friend! 🙂
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August 10, 2015 at 5:39 am
Lovely. I thought maybe there was an undercurrent story of romance between Mona and the cowhand… but maybe that was just me 🙂
Cheers
KT
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August 16, 2015 at 5:32 am
I’m a bit behind in my replies but greatly appreciate your visit and comment, Wildbilbo.
Yes, a romance was something I had thought about … a mid-life crisis for Mona because of her
husbands illness – but 100 words stopped me in my tracks. I think the drama would be palpable though.
Thanks again.
Isadora 😎
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August 9, 2015 at 8:55 pm
After I’ve learned what a cowhand is (thanks for the explanation 🙂 ) I got it. It’s always hard to delegate, and some people never learn to do it. Some are forced to do it, like your protagonist. Great story, very true. The glimpse in the battle with the word count was also interesting.
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August 16, 2015 at 5:36 am
Yes, I struggle with the word count. I always want to have 100 words. I had thought about a little edgy
drama with Mona and the cowhand but wasn’t able to bring it about. Perhaps, in the future I can do a
longer version.
I’m a bit late in responding. I do appreciate your visit and kind words about my story. Thank you … !!!
Isadora 😎
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August 9, 2015 at 11:32 am
Querida Isadora
Health limitations are difficult for anyone but for a man who’s always been in control, it’s intolerable. You’ve captured his frustration well.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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August 16, 2015 at 5:28 am
Hola Rochelle,
Yes, men find it frustrating to rest when ill. The limitations are signs of weakness for them.
I had thought about a romance between Mona and the cowhand for more drama but I couldn’t
quite get it written the way I wanted; perhaps, at another time.
Thank you for stopping by and leaving your very nice comment. Be well …!!!
Adios,
Isadora 😎
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August 9, 2015 at 6:29 am
I sensed the frustration here. I also have some suspicions about Mona and the cowhand but then I think that’s just my mind… 🙂 Well done, nice that you’ve worked on it to get it the way you wanted.
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August 16, 2015 at 5:24 am
Yes, indeed, he’s frustrated. I notice many older men tend to be edgy when they aren’t well or retired.
I had thought about a romance between the cowhand and Mona but 100 words can be challenging to
get that in. However, there’s no reason I couldn’t continue. 😊 I just have to find a little extra time.
I am a bit late in responding but always appreciate your visits and comments, Sandra. Thank you …!!! 😎
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August 8, 2015 at 7:46 pm
Sometimes silence says more than words. I’m sure she can read the anxiety on his face. I could. Well done.
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August 16, 2015 at 5:18 am
Yes, long time married couples can read the unsaid more than the said. Thank you for your kind comment.
I am a bit behind in responding but your visit and comment was greatly appreciated. Thank You ..!!! 😎
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August 8, 2015 at 1:56 pm
I see this as thoughts in one’s mind … thus nothing said, until the end.
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August 8, 2015 at 4:52 pm
WHEW … at last, someone understands what I was trying to do. I’ve never written in that style before. I was trying to approach the story from the man’s inner thoughts.
The man in the story is thinking these thoughts because he’s struggling with his new health limitations. A tid-bit in there from my non-fiction health limitations right now. He isn’t speaking to anyone. He’s just contemplating why he is wife feels he can’t do as much but knows she’s right.
Thank you, aFrank. You’ve lifted my writing spirits again. 😎
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August 8, 2015 at 9:43 am
I was a bit confused too, your explanation cleared it up 🙂 Nice job.
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August 8, 2015 at 4:43 pm
I’m sorry about the confusion. I guess I a should alter the part where I said, “he”. I may revise and add to the post. The man in the story is thinking these thoughts. He isn’t speaking to anyone.
Thank you for your generous comment on writing it but I think it could have been better so the reader could know what’s going on. I will practice, practice, practice. 😎
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August 8, 2015 at 8:10 am
There are two sides to every story!
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August 8, 2015 at 4:34 pm
Yes, Gilly, there is. The man in the story is having a difficult time accepting his new limitations after his heart attack. A stress for many men. 😎
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August 7, 2015 at 4:14 pm
I would say that if he doesn’t stop his worrying he is going to worry himself into another heart attack possibly a fatal one.
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August 7, 2015 at 4:50 pm
Yes, it’s very hard for men to slow down after an illness or retirement. 😎
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August 7, 2015 at 5:12 pm
Yes it is! Great story!
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August 7, 2015 at 6:53 pm
❤️
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August 7, 2015 at 3:43 pm
I would be worrying, too! You created a lot of tension here. Just a question. Who is the “he” in “Didn’t he get it?” I was thinking it was a man who had a heart attack and his wife was taking care of the horses (and not to his liking). Or did Mona hire a man…?
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August 7, 2015 at 4:48 pm
Thank you for the great critique, Lorna. I read this at least 20 times and could not figure out what was causing my doubt. I was going to post on Wednesday but wanted to fix what I was questioning; to no avail. 😳
Yes, Mona hired a man to take care of the horses. Her husband had a heart attack. She was trying to get him to stop working so hard. He was feeling down like most men do when they have to slow down.
I may have to revise and post under the one on here.
Thanks again …. 😎
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August 7, 2015 at 4:58 pm
No problem As you see, I figured it out!
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August 7, 2015 at 6:55 pm
It’s nice to get the feedback especially when I feel there’s something wrong and can’t see it. You know “Not seeing the forest for the trees”. 😀
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August 7, 2015 at 8:34 pm
Oh, do I know that feeling! 😐
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