Inside the Mind of Isadora


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Joke – Laugh It’s Friday

New United Airlines Mottos:

“Drag and Drop”

“We put the hospital in hospitality”

“Board as a doctor, leave as a patient”

“Our prices can’t be beaten, but our passengers can”

“We have First Class, Business Class and No Class”

“Not enough seating, prepare for a beating”

“We treat you like we treat your luggage”

“We beat the customer. Not the competition”

“And you thought leg room was an issue”

“Where voluntary is mandatory”

“Fight or flight. We decide”

“Now offering one free carry off”

“Beating random customers since 2017”

“If our staff needs a seat, we’ll drag you out by your feet”

“A bloody good airline”

~~~~~

A friend sent me this joke. I thought I’d post it so you could start your weekend with a smile.

Isadora 😎


16 Comments

Joke: Life could be Worse

two-guys-in-a-bar-stock-vector-two-cartoon-men-drinking-beer-and-talking-in-the-bar-54572824

There I was sitting at the bar staring at my drink when a large, trouble-making biker steps up next to me, grabs my drink and gulps it down in one swig.
“Well, what are you gonna do about it?” he says, menacingly, as I burst into tears.
“Come on, man,” the biker says, “I didn’t think you’d CRY. I can’t stand to see a man crying.”
“This is the worst day of my life,” I say.

“I’m a complete failure. I was late to a meeting and my boss fired me. When I went to the parking lot, I found my car had been stolen and I don’t have any insurance. I left my wallet in the cab I took home. I found my wife with another man… and then my dog bit me.
“So I came to this bar to work up the courage to put an end to it all.

I buy a drink, I drop a capsule in and sit here watching the poison dissolve; and then you show up and drink the whole damn thing!”
But, hell, enough about me.  How are you doing?”

 

***** Goggle Image – Shutterstock


8 Comments

In Need of Humor? – Thanksgiving Groaners

 

turkey-xtgoqkzbcWhat happened when the turkey got into a fight?
He got the stuffing knocked out of him.

Why did they let the turkey join the band?
Because he had the drumsticks

What do you get when you cross a turkey with an octopus?
More than enough drumsticks for Thanksgiving

turkey-7takaeqqc

What did the mother turkey say to her disobedient children?
“If your father could see you now, he’d turn over in his gravy.”

What sound does a space turkey make?
Hubble, Hubble, Hubble.

turkey-run-turkey-time
Why did the turkey cross the road?
It was the chicken’s day off.

What do you get when you cross a turkey with a banjo?
A turkey that can pluck itself.

turkey-thacar12

Why did the police arrest the turkey?
They suspected it of fowl play

What holiday do they celebrate in prison?
Shanksgiving.

What did the turkey say to the computer?
Google, google, google.

turkey-stuffed_turkey_thanksgiving_poster-rcbac8439fc4b43d1bfeadcb58db2ed07_wvk_8byvr_324
Who is not hungry at Thanksgiving?
The turkey because he’s already stuffed.

What do you get if you divide the circumference of a pumpkin by its diameter?
Pumpkin pi.

What do you call a stuffed animal?
You after Thanksgiving.

~~~~~

If I was a turkey, I’d be doing everything I could to taste terrible right now.

Hope these gave you a chuckle
in between your hectic preparations for Thanksgiving.

Blessings to all …

Isadora  

turkey-happy-tday-8ce66bp6i

Google Images

Dreamtime Images


14 Comments

In Need of Humor? Cinderella at 75

Cinderella was now 75 years old.  After a fulfilling life with the now passed-away Prince, she happily sat upon her rocking chair, watching the world go by from her front porch, with her cat named Alan for companionship. One sunny afternoon, out of nowhere, appeared the Fairy Godmother.

Cinderella said: “Fairy Godmother, what are you doing here after all these years?”

granny-rocking-chair-image001

The Fairy Godmother replied: “Well, Cinderella, as you have lived a good, wholesome life since we last met, I have decided to grant you three wishes. Is there anything for which your heart still yearns?”

Cinderella was overjoyed, and after some thoughtful consideration, almost under her breath, she uttered her first wish:
“I wish I was wealthy beyond comprehension.”

Instantly, her rocking chair was turned into solid gold. Cinderella was stunned. Alan, her old faithful cat, jumped off her lap and scampered to the edge of the porch, quivering with fear.

Old-fashioned chair on black background 3D render

Cinderella said: “Oh thank you, Fairy Godmother!”

The Fairy Godmother replied: “It’s the least I can do. What does your heart desire for your second wish?”

Cinderella looked down at her frail body and said: “I wish I were young and full of the beauty of youth again.”

At once, her wish became reality, and her beautiful youthful visage returned. Cinderella felt stirrings inside her that had been dormant for years. And long forgotten vigor and vitality began to course through her very soul.

Beautiful Girl in Fantasy Mystical and Magical Spring Garden

Then, the Fairy Godmother again spoke: “You have one more wish, what will you have?”

Cinderella looked over to the frightened cat in the corner and said: “I wish you to transform Alan my old cat into a beautiful and handsome young man.”

Magically, Alan suddenly underwent a fundamental change in his biological make-up, that, when complete, he stood before her a boy so beautiful – the likes of which – neither she nor the world had ever seen – so fair, indeed, that birds began to fall from the sky at his feet.

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The Fairy Godmother again spoke: “Congratulations, Cinderella. Enjoy your new life!”

And, with a blazing shock of bright blue electricity, she was gone.

For a few eerie moments, Alan and Cinderella looked into each other’s eyes. Cinderella sat, breathless, gazing at the most stunningly perfect boy she had ever seen.

Then Alan walked over to Cinderella, who sat transfixed in her rocking chair, and held her close in his strong, youthful arms. He leaned in close to her ear, whispered, blowing her golden hair with his warm breath:

“I bet you regret having me neutered now, don’t you?”

Screaming woman. Isolated over white background.

 

******Google Images

*****A friend sent me this funny Cinderella tale.

I think we all could use a little humor right now.


11 Comments

I’m Addicted

WARNING – An unusual post for me – Joke may be a bit BLUE

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Today is Wednesday in these here parts of Florida.  I’m mentioning this for those of you who reside in other places.

Yesterday, Tuesday, I realized that I’m addicted to my tech toys.

My electric was off which meant nothing was working.

Yes, I did pay my bill.

Yes, we’ve had some very, very high winds because of tropical storm Earl. He decided to by-pass my area but the rains

must have flooded power lines.

Candlelight is nice for a romantic evening.

But, no phone, , no cell, no computer, no television – Tuesday night is America’s Got Talent – I need to vote for the best talent.

Begrudgingly, I took out a book to read on my Kindle which has a small light besides the bright screen.

I wasn’t happy.

I wanted to catch-up on some blogs; I wanted to post something. I wanted to check-up on my kids and grandkids on FB.

Then, I realized how awful that was.

At one time, a book or a mind expanding scrabble game would have taken precedence over electronics.

I wanted a pick-me-up. I took a joke book from my office book shelf and with a flashlight started to recite a joke to hubby.

Then, he recited one back to me. Before we knew it, we were laughing hysterically.

Perhaps, the glass of wine – Mmmm .. maybe, two – helped.

For your laughing pleasure … here is one joke that had me laughing hysterically.

Of course, besides the wine, it may be funny because I went to Catholic school.

Enjoy …

Isadora

~~~~~~~~~~

Sky - Clouds

Three nuns who had recently died were on their way to heaven. At the pearly gates they were met by St. Peter.

Around the gates there was a collection of lights and bells.

St. Peter stopped them and told them that they would each have to answer a question before they could enter through the pearly gates.

~~~~~~~~~~

 St. Paul: “What were the names of the two people in the garden of Eden?”


1st nun: “Adam and Eve.

“
The lights flashed the bells rang and in she went through the pearly gates.

St. Paul: “What did Adam eat from the forbidden tree ?”

2nd nun: “An apple.

“
The lights flashed the bells rang and in she went through the pearly gates.

St. Paul: “What was the first thing Eve said to Adam ?”

3rd nun: After a few minutes of thinking she says “Gosh, that’s a hard one!”


The lights flashed …

Angel - Pearly Gates


12 Comments

A Quiet Respite

Ocean - white sailbaot 2.webDear Friends ….

It is time for me to take a brief respite.

I will be out on the high seas gathering energy from the wind and salty air:

Listening to the Music of the waves.

I will be ever vigilant to catch up on all of your blogs upon my return.

In my absence, there will be a great many things that

you’ve done that I will, no doubt, lose sight of.

Please feel free to send me a note on those you’d like me to read.

It would be disappointing to miss a single one of your stellar writings.
Namaste …
                           Isadora

**************

I will leave you with this very important health message.

Say Good Bye and Good Night  to “night time” leg cramps…

This exercise works wonders on circulation. It originated by the Watusi tribesmen.
It also slims you down without medication.
 
I have been doing these simple workout moves for a week
and I am already feeling much better.  

I recommend you start right away.

This video shows what you should do daily
to help leg and knee pain and stiffness.

Once a day is sufficient for assured success! 

Good luck.

Zaouli de Manfla


14 Comments >

I’ve been thinking of infusing a little humor on my blog because there’s been so much tragedy in the news lately. Summer is coming to an end. The autumn weather will soon bring cooler temperatures. Those living in areas where the climates are cooler will settle in and need a boost of humor to keep their spirits up.  If you’ve been following me for some time you know I live in Florida. There are a great many elderly people who reside here. A few of them have become close friends despite the age difference. I’m quite used to their sense of humor about aging and being elderly. This was sent to me by one of those friends. I hope you enjoy without taking offense.

If you have a joke you’d like to share, create a post on your blog and leave the url with your comment.                                              Thank you for smiling today …
Isadora

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21699400-Smiling-Scientist-Or-Professor-Over-Blank-Sign-Stock-Vector-cartoon-doctor-professor.web

An old geezer, who’d been a farmer for a long time, became very bored with it and decided to open a medical clinic. He put a sign up outside that said:

Dr. Geezer’s clinic. “Get your treatment for $500, if you’re not cured you get back $1,000.”

Doctor Young, who was positive that this old geezer didn’t know beans about medicine, thought this would be a great opportunity to get $1,000.

He decided to go to Dr. Geezer’s clinic.

This is what transpired:



Dr. Young: “Dr. Geezer, I’ve lost all taste in my mouth. Can you please help me?”
Dr. Geezer:  “Nurse, please bring medicine from box #22 and put 3 drops in Dr. Young’s mouth.”

Dr. Young: “Aaagh !!! ”That’s Gasoline!”

Dr. Geezer: “Congratulations! You’ve got your taste back. That will be $500.”

Dr. Young is annoyed but goes back after a couple of days figuring he’d try to recover his money.

Dr Young:  “I’ve lost my memory, I cannot remember anything. Can you please help me?”

Dr. Geezer:  “Nurse, please bring medicine from box #22 and put 3 drops in the patient’s mouth.”

Doctor Young:  “Oh no you don’t.  That’s Gasoline!”

Dr. Geezer:  “Congratulations! You’ve got your memory back. That will be $500.”

Dr. Young: (after having lost $1000, by now) leaves angrily and comes back after several more days.”

Dr. Young:  “Doctor, my eyesight has become weak I can hardly see!”

Dr. Geezer:  “Well, I don’t have any medicine for that so – “Here’s your $1000 back.”

Dr. Young:  “But, Doctor, this is only $500…”

Dr. Geezer: “Congratulations!  You got your vision back!  That will be $500.

“

Moral of story  —  Just because you’re “Young” doesn’t mean that you can outsmart an old “Geezer ” !!!!

😆 😆 😆 😆 😆

old-age-cartoon-doctors-pensioners


28 Comments

Pondering from Mabel – Aids Warning

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It’s been real nice down by the lake now that Spring is around the corner. The swans are swimming ‘round in circles, dancing to the sound of the waterfall. They keep this assisted living facility real nice for us folks.

Just yesterday, Bubba came by when I was watchin’ them and told me he liked watching the swans too. “It’s real peaceful”, he said. I told you about Bubba last time we visited. He’s taken a likin’ to me. Bless his heart. I enjoy talking to him but my Fred has my heart and I still miss him.

We talked about ole crabby George. He was taken from his place a few days after our Valentine’s Day dance. Looks like he had prostrate cancer. We wondered why he’d gotten so thin. He was a grumpy ole codger. Didn’t like talkin’ to folks. He made a fuss about everything. But, no reason to talk ill of the dead. We both figured he might be happier now. Well, enough of that sad talk.

Bubba’s a funny guy. He’s always tellin’ me jokes. I thought you might like hearin’ one.  Here goes:

~~~~~~~~ There’s an Aid’s Warning out ~~~~~~~~

To all of you approaching 55 years or older – this is a warning for you
Seniors are the leading carriers of AIDS!!!
Gardening aids
Hearing aids
Band Aids
Walking aids
Medical Aids
most of all Monetary Aids for their kids.
Not forgetting HIV …. Hair is Vanishing!!!
And finally, the most dreadful Aids : Acute Income Deficiency Syndrome

  ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Wasn’t that funny? I love seein’ my friends here at the assisted living home smilin’.
Heck, if we can’t laugh at ourselves than we’re really old farts. Tell someone a joke from time to time. It makes the day go better when we can see ourselves in a humorous way.

Come back and see what else I’m pondering …..
Live Life, Mabel
2015©isadoradelavega

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THOUGHT FOR THE DAY:

 Life is too short to be anything but happy. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

***** Mabel is a character I’ve developed for the purpose of writing about life

with a tongue-in-cheek sense of humor from a seniors citizens point of view.

A few other Ponderings from Mabel:

 Pondering from Mabel – Love is in the Air at my assisted Living

Pondering from Mabel – Recalling Love and Marriage

Pondering from Mabel – Be Kind to the Elderly

 


23 Comments

Pondering from Mabel – Love is in the Air at my Assisted Living

WARNING: BLUE HUMOR

Pondering from Mabel – Love is in the Air at my Assisted Living

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I’m sure you know that Valentine’s Day is just a few days away.

Love is in the air, ’cause they’re puttin’ up those

bright red hearts and balloons for our Valentine Dinner and Dance on Saturday.

I don’t know if my husband, Fred, would have been involved

with all of the celebratin’ we do here. I suppose they’re afraid we might get bored.

They have a gal from the local beauty salon donatin’ her time to doll us all up.

Bless her heart. It should go real quick considerin’ most of us have hair so thin you can see our scalps.

You get to be our age and you don’t rightly care. No sir, breathin’ is the most important.

Of course, sweet little Mary Lou Cho wears one of them new hair wigs.

She always looks real nice. Tiny little thing. I suppose her vanity has her going through all that work.

Ya’ll remember, 91 year old, Willie gettin’ lost on New year’s eve, don’t ya?

If you missed it, you can check here to read all about his foolery.

I got to pondering that, maybe, I should write about something

Seniors should be thinkin’ about for after our Valentine Dance.

I plan on dancing ’til dawn. I hope ya’ll have a real nice Valentine’s Day.

Ccome back and visit real soon.


Live Life,
Mabel

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Lovemaking Tips for Seniors



1. Wear your glasses to make sure your partner is actually in the bed.

2. Set timer for 3 minutes, in case you doze off in the middle.

3. Set the mood with lighting. (Turn them ALL OFF!)



4. Make sure you put 911 on your speed dial before you begin.



5. Write partner’s name on your hand in case you can’t remember.

6. Use extra polygrip so your teeth don’t end up under the bed.



7. Have Tylenol or whatever you use ready in case you actually complete the
 act.

8. Make all the noise you want … The neighbors are deaf, too.

9. If it works, call everyone you know with the good news … even if its 8PM… !!

10. Don’t even think about trying it twice.

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Remember Old is When



’OLD’ IS WHEN… 
Your sweetie says, ‘Let’s go upstairs and make love,’ and you answer, ‘Pick
one;

I can’t do both!’

’OLD’ IS WHEN… 
Your friends compliment you on your new alligator shoes and you’re barefoot.



‘OLD’ IS WHEN… 
Going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of your face.



’OLD’ IS WHEN… 
You are cautioned to slow down by the doctor instead of by the police.



‘OLD’ IS WHEN… 
’Getting a little action’ means you don’t need to take a laxative today.



‘OLD’ IS WHEN…. 
’Getting Lucky’ means you find your car in the parking lot.

‘OLD’ IS WHEN… 
An ‘all nighter’ means not getting up to use the bathroom.



’OLD’ IS WHEN…. 
You’re not sure if these are facts or jokes. 










 

 

 

 ***** Mabel is a fiction character I’ve developed for the purpose of writing about life with a tongue-in-cheek sense of humor from a seniors citizens point of view.          


24 Comments

Pondering from Mabel – Recalling Love and Marriage

imagesCAYN3F15 - Copy

 

I’m just about worn out from all the celebratin’ we had going on here at my assisted living home for the holidays. The dining hall was lit up real pretty and everyone was in a festive mood.

 
My daughter, Tessa, wanted to celebrate New Year’s with me but I wouldn’t have it. She was here for Christmas and that was good enough. Besides, I didn’t want her and her husband, Orville, on the road on a dangerous night like that. She’s so sweet though, bless her heart.

On New Year’s eve, there were fireworks at dusk over the fountain in the man-made lake. Of course, no one would have made it to midnight.

There was a bit of fireworks over at Melba’s place right after. It looks like Willie was a bit disoriented and wound up at Melba’s place. What made it hilarious was that Willie wouldn’t get out of her bed and kept saying, “Come to bed, Honey.” At 91 years young, I think Willie was confused about how well his willie was going to do. Everyone had a good laugh about it and Melba’s dignity was restored the next day.

When all that happened, I recalled an article I had read when I was younger about Love and Marriage.

Here’s what I remember from it ….

Love & Marriage
 
Love is holding hands in the street.


Marriage is holding arguments in the street.



Love is dinner for 2 in your favorite restaurant
.

Marriage is a take home box.



Love is cuddling on a sofa.


Marriage is one of them sleeping on a sofa.



Love is talking about having children.


Marriage is talking about how to get away from children.



Love is going to bed early.


Marriage is going to sleep early.



Love is a romantic drive.


Marriage is never making it into the car for a drive.



Love is losing your appetite.


Marriage is losing your figure.



Love is sweet nothings’ in the ear.


Marriage is sweet nothing in the bank.



Love is never watching TV.


Marriage is a fight for the remote control.



Love is 1 drink and 2 straws.


Marriage is “Don’t you think you’ve had enough!”.



Conclusion:

”Love is blind, Marriage is an eye opener!!!”

Hope your year 2015 is a good one ….
Live Life
Hugs, Mabel

   ***** Mabel is a character I’ve developed for the purpose of writing about life with a tongue-in-cheek sense of humor from a seniors citizens point of view.