Pondering from Mabel

March 18, 2015
by Inside the Mind of Isadora 28 Comments

Pondering from Mabel – Aids Warning

It’s been real nice down by the lake now that Spring is around the corner. The swans are swimming ‘round in circles, dancing to the sound of the waterfall. They keep this assisted living facility real nice for us folks.

Just yesterday, Bubba came by when I was watchin’ them and told me he liked watching the swans too. “It’s real peaceful”, he said. I told you about Bubba last time we visited. He’s taken a likin’ to me. Bless his heart. I enjoy talking to him but my Fred has my heart and I still miss him.

We talked about ole crabby George. He was taken from his place a few days after our Valentine’s Day dance. Looks like he had prostrate cancer. We wondered why he’d gotten so thin. He was a grumpy ole codger. Didn’t like talkin’ to folks. He made a fuss about everything. But, no reason to talk ill of the dead. We both figured he might be happier now. Well, enough of that sad talk.

Bubba’s a funny guy. He’s always tellin’ me jokes. I thought you might like hearin’ one. Here goes:

~~~~~~~~ There’s an Aid’s Warning out ~~~~~~~~

To all of you approaching 55 years or older – this is a warning for you
Seniors are the leading carriers of AIDS!!!
Gardening aids
Hearing aids
Band Aids
Walking aids
Medical Aids
most of all Monetary Aids for their kids.
Not forgetting HIV …. Hair is Vanishing!!!
And finally, the most dreadful Aids : Acute Income Deficiency Syndrome

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Wasn’t that funny? I love seein’ my friends here at the assisted living home smilin’.
Heck, if we can’t laugh at ourselves than we’re really old farts. Tell someone a joke from time to time. It makes the day go better when we can see ourselves in a humorous way.

Come back and see what else I’m pondering …..
Live Life, Mabel
2015©isadoradelavega

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THOUGHT FOR THE DAY:

Life is too short to be anything but happy.

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***** Mabel is a character I’ve developed for the purpose of writing about life

with a tongue-in-cheek sense of humor from a seniors citizens point of view.

A few other Ponderings from Mabel:

Pondering from Mabel – Love is in the Air at my assisted Living

Pondering from Mabel – Recalling Love and Marriage

Pondering from Mabel – Be Kind to the Elderly

February 9, 2015
by Inside the Mind of Isadora 23 Comments

Pondering from Mabel – Love is in the Air at my Assisted Living

WARNING: BLUE HUMOR

Pondering from Mabel – Love is in the Air at my Assisted Living

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I’m sure you know that Valentine’s Day is just a few days away.

Love is in the air, ’cause they’re puttin’ up those

bright red hearts and balloons for our Valentine Dinner and Dance on Saturday.

I don’t know if my husband, Fred, would have been involved

with all of the celebratin’ we do here. I suppose they’re afraid we might get bored.

They have a gal from the local beauty salon donatin’ her time to doll us all up.

Bless her heart. It should go real quick considerin’ most of us have hair so thin you can see our scalps.

You get to be our age and you don’t rightly care. No sir, breathin’ is the most important.

Of course, sweet little Mary Lou Cho wears one of them new hair wigs.

She always looks real nice. Tiny little thing. I suppose her vanity has her going through all that work.

Ya’ll remember, 91 year old, Willie gettin’ lost on New year’s eve, don’t ya?

If you missed it, you can check here to read all about his foolery.

I got to pondering that, maybe, I should write about something

Seniors should be thinkin’ about for after our Valentine Dance.

I plan on dancing ’til dawn. I hope ya’ll have a real nice Valentine’s Day.

Ccome back and visit real soon.

 Live Life,
Mabel

Lovemaking Tips for Seniors  

1. Wear your glasses to make sure your partner is actually in the bed.

2. Set timer for 3 minutes, in case you doze off in the middle.

3. Set the mood with lighting. (Turn them ALL OFF!)

  4. Make sure you put 911 on your speed dial before you begin.

  5. Write partner’s name on your hand in case you can’t remember.

6. Use extra polygrip so your teeth don’t end up under the bed.

  7. Have Tylenol or whatever you use ready in case you actually complete the  act.

8. Make all the noise you want … The neighbors are deaf, too.

9. If it works, call everyone you know with the good news … even if its 8PM… !!

10. Don’t even think about trying it twice.

Remember Old is When

  ’OLD’ IS WHEN…  Your sweetie says, ‘Let’s go upstairs and make love,’ and you answer, ‘Pick one;

I can’t do both!’  ’OLD’ IS WHEN…  Your friends compliment you on your new alligator shoes and you’re barefoot.  

‘OLD’ IS WHEN…  Going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of your face.

  ’OLD’ IS WHEN…  You are cautioned to slow down by the doctor instead of by the police.  

‘OLD’ IS WHEN…  ’Getting a little action’ means you don’t need to take a laxative today.  

‘OLD’ IS WHEN….  ’Getting Lucky’ means you find your car in the parking lot.

‘OLD’ IS WHEN…  An ‘all nighter’ means not getting up to use the bathroom.

  ’OLD’ IS WHEN….  You’re not sure if these are facts or jokes.            

***** Mabel is a fiction character I’ve developed for the purpose of writing about life with a tongue-in-cheek sense of humor from a seniors citizens point of view.
 

January 14, 2015
by Inside the Mind of Isadora 24 Comments

Pondering from Mabel – Recalling Love and Marriage

I’m just about worn out from all the celebratin’ we had going on here at my assisted living home for the holidays. The dining hall was lit up real pretty and everyone was in a festive mood.

My daughter, Tessa, wanted to celebrate New Year’s with me but I wouldn’t have it. She was here for Christmas and that was good enough. Besides, I didn’t want her and her husband, Orville, on the road on a dangerous night like that. She’s so sweet though, bless her heart.

On New Year’s eve, there were fireworks at dusk over the fountain in the man-made lake. Of course, no one would have made it to midnight.

There was a bit of fireworks over at Melba’s place right after. It looks like Willie was a bit disoriented and wound up at Melba’s place. What made it hilarious was that Willie wouldn’t get out of her bed and kept saying, “Come to bed, Honey.” At 91 years young, I think Willie was confused about how well his willie was going to do. Everyone had a good laugh about it and Melba’s dignity was restored the next day.

When all that happened, I recalled an article I had read when I was younger about Love and Marriage.

Here’s what I remember from it ….

Love & Marriage 
Love is holding hands in the street.

 Marriage is holding arguments in the street.  

Love is dinner for 2 in your favorite restaurant .

Marriage is a take home box.  

Love is cuddling on a sofa.

 Marriage is one of them sleeping on a sofa.  

Love is talking about having children. 

Marriage is talking about how to get away from children.

  Love is going to bed early. 

Marriage is going to sleep early.  

Love is a romantic drive.

 Marriage is never making it into the car for a drive.  

Love is losing your appetite. 

Marriage is losing your figure.  

Love is sweet nothings’ in the ear. 

Marriage is sweet nothing in the bank.

  Love is never watching TV. 

Marriage is a fight for the remote control.  

Love is 1 drink and 2 straws. 

Marriage is “Don’t you think you’ve had enough!”.  

Conclusion:  ”Love is blind, Marriage is an eye opener!!!”

Hope your year 2015 is a good one ….
Live Life
Hugs, Mabel

***** Mabel is a character I’ve developed for the purpose of writing about life with a tongue-in-cheek sense of humor from a seniors citizens point of view.

November 26, 2014
by Inside the Mind of Isadora 18 Comments

Pondering from Mabel – Happy Thanksgiving to Ya’ll

I’ve been havin’ the grandest time, today. We’d been told last week to be sure to invite family and friends for a special Thanksgiving dinner and show celebration.

Many of the residents don’t have family livin’ close by. We were asked to invite them to sit with our families. Naturally, I invited my good friend, Barbara. Her daughter, husband and grandkids live in Colorado. Unfortunately, they had a bunch of snow and had to cancel their flight. She’ll be joining them for Christmas.

Then, there is the good doctor Wong Cho and his wife, Mary Lou. She’s been under the weather some. It’s her arthritis. Tiny little thing. She always looks real pretty. Her children are traveling overseas right now. They’ll be traveling to San Francisco when they return to celebrate Christmas.

My Tessa came by early this morning and managed to make these slinky threads on my head look real nice. She brought me a special dress to wear too. She’s a good girl. Her husband, Orville, would be meetin’ us at the dining room later.

There was a big crowd when we arrived at the beautifully decorated dining room. The fall colors were a feast for the eyes. The traditional Thanksgiving food was real good too. There was no shortage of conversation. Then, the social director announced we were going to have a gal by the name of Donnalou Stevens sing a few songs for us. This video is the one I enjoyed the most. I hope you do too.

Older Ladies by Donnalou Stevens

Right after, Donnalou, there was a comedian named Ralph Gilman who came out to keep us laughing.
I had Tessa write down some of his quick one liners for me.
Enjoy !!!!!

Q. Name the four seasons.
A.. Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar

Q. How is dew formed?
A.. The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.

Q. What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on?
A.. If you are buying a house they will insist that you are well endowed.

Q. In a democratic society, how important are elections?
A.. Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election.

Q. What are steroids?
A. Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs
(Shoot yourself now , there is little hope)

Q… What happens to your body as you age?
A.. When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental.

Q. What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?
A.. He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery.
(So true)

Q. Name a major disease associated with cigarettes?
A.. Premature death

Q. What is artificial insemination?
A. When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow.

Q. How can you delay milk turning sour
A.. Keep it in the cow (Simple, but brilliant)

Q. How are the main 20 parts of the body categorized? (e.g. The abdomen)
A.. The body is consisted into 3 parts – the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity.

The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs

and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels: A,E,I,O,U (wtf!)

Q. What is the fibula?
A.. A small lie.

Q. What does ‘varicose’ mean?
A.. Nearby

Q. What is the most common form of birth control?
A.. Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium.
(That would work)

Q. Give the meaning of the term ‘Caesarean section’
A.. The caesarean section is a district in Rome.

Q. What is a seizure?
A.. A Roman Emperor.
(Julius Seizure, I came, I saw, I had a fit)

Q. What is a terminal illness?
A. When you are sick at the airport.
(Irrefutable)

Q. What does the word ‘benign’ mean?
A.. Benign is what you will be after you be eight.
(brilliant)

I love to see my friends here at the assisted living home smile and laugh.
We sure did that today.
Heck, if we can’t laugh at ourselves than we’re really old farts.
Tell someone a joke from time to time.
It makes the day go better when we can see ourselves in a humorous way.
Happy Thanksgiving Folks …. !!!!
Hugs, Mabel 🌻

2014©Isadora

***** Mabel is a character I’ve developed for the purpose of writing about life with a tongue-in-cheek sense of humor from a seniors citizens point of view.

November 16, 2014
by Inside the Mind of Isadora 26 Comments

Pondering from Mabel – Punography

 Mabel says ….

There was a lecture on Friday at the recreation center here at my assisted living facility. It was called ‘How to keep your brain young’.

Can you imagine having a young brain in an old body? I just about fell off my chair when I heard the real nice fella say that.

His name was Howard Hall. He wanted us to call him HH. Did he think we’d forget his name?

He said we could keep our brains from slowly dying. Well, I suppose those weren’t his exact words. It doesn’t matter. He said he wanted us to do things with our brains so we could stay more alert.

It got me to thinkin’ about all those books I used to read when Fred and I lived on the farm.

I could read a book in one night if I wasn’t tired from workin’ on the farm all day.

We didn’t have television or computers then. No, we didn’t.

In fact, some folks didn’t have electricity on their farms.

Nope … just a lantern and the light of the moon.

We’d sit out on the front porch and look up at the moon

while we listened to the crickets playing their nightly song.

People did a lot more talkin’ and I guess a lot more spooning.

I like readin’ the newspaper in the morning with my cup of tea.

I know it has lots of bad news in it but I find some fun things too.

I always like to do the crossword puzzle.

The colorful funnies are good for a laugh or two.

Now, I’ve discovered some word fun is being added from time to time.

Here’s some Punography I read today.

PUNOGRAPHY ….

I tried to catch some fog. I mist. ·

When chemists die, they barium.

Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.

A soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

I know a guy who’s addicted to brake fluid. He says he can stop any time.

How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it.

I stayed up all night to see where the sun went.Then it dawned on me.

This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I’d never met herbivore.

I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. I can’t put it down.

I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words .

They told me I had type A blood, but it was a type-O.

This dyslexic man walks into a bra .

PMS jokes aren’t funny, period.

I didn’t like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.

A cross-eyed teacher lost her job because she couldn’t control her pupils? ·

When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.

What does a clock do when it’s hungry? It goes back four seconds.

I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me!

Broken pencils are pointless.

England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool .

I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.

I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx.

All the toilets in London police stations have been stolen. Police say they have nothing to go on.

I took the job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.

Velcro – what a rip off!

Cartoonist found dead in home. Details are sketchy

What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.

I hope you had a good laugh. I did.

Comeback and see what else I’m pondering ….. Mabel 💗

2014©Isadora

***** FICTION: Mabel is a ficticious character I’ve created. Any similarities to anyone living ot otherwise is purely coincidental.

November 10, 2014
by Inside the Mind of Isadora 14 Comments

Pondering from Mabel …..

Welcome to all my returning Mabel friends.
It’s been along time since I’ve chatted with ya’ll.

This summer was brutally hot. I spent many pleasant evenings sitting out on the front porch visiting with my neighbors.

We’re fortunate here that my Assisted Living facility has a very nice olympic sized pool.

Of course, they should have a dress code for these elderly swimmers.

I declare it isn’t pretty. Well, except for cute little Mary Lou.

You remember her, she’s married to the retired doctor Wong Cho. There isn’t an ounce of fat on that pretty little thing.

Then, there’s Harper. He’s a 6’ tall, gray haired and a former olympic swimmer from his younger days.

He’s Austrian. He says they skinny dip in his country. Good Lord, whatever are they thinkin’?

I guess I should be happy he puts a speedo on.

Maybe someone oughta tell him, he isn’t so young anymore. He has more wrinkles than a white shirt waitin’ to be pressed.

As you know, it’s Autumn and the days are getting shorter and cooler. I find it real nice to sit by the lake watching the ducks and readin’ the newspaper.

This morning, I read some funny things I thought you might like.

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The Washington Post has published the winning submissions to its yearly contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common words.
And the winners are:

1. Coffee, n. The person upon whom one coughs.

2. Flabbergasted, adj. Appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained.

3. Abdicate, v. To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

4. Esplanade, v. To attempt an explanation while drunk.

5. Willy-nilly, adj. Impotent.

6. Negligent, adj. Absent minded – answering the door when wearing only a nightgown.

7. Lymph, v. To walk with a lisp.

8. Gargoyle, n. Olive-flavored mouthwash.

9. Flatulence, n. Emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been run over by a steamroller.

10. Balderdash, n. A rapidly receding hairline.

11. Circumvent, n. An opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.

12. Testicle, n. A humorous question on an exam.

13. Rectitude, n. The formal – dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.

14. Pokemon, n. A Rastafarian proctologist.

15. Oyster, n. A person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.

16. Frisbeetarianism, n. The belief that, after death, the soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.

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THOUGHT FOR THE DAY:

~~~~~ Life is too short to be anything but happy. ~~~~~

Come back real soon and see what else I’m pondering ….. Mabel

******* Mabel is a fictional character that I’ve created. Any similarities to persons are purely coincidental.