Inside the Mind of Isadora

Friday Fictioneers – Underground

24 Comments

WARNING … Language May Be Offensive frost-on-a-stump-sandra-crook2.web“Cut the Crap, Scumbag”.

“Start talking”, Detective Probst shouted.

“Tell us where she is”.

“Resting blissfully,” Boris smirked at him.

“Trash your little poetic words dirtbag”.

“What kind of deal can I get?” Boris smirked.

“No deal”.

“We have the evidence”.

“Spit it out, your dead anyway”.

“By a grassy meadow with a tree that stands no more.”

“Poetic shit again,” Probst brusquely.

“Go”.

“She’s there”.

The squad headed to the park where he’d been arrested.

A tree stump marked her burial grave.

“It never gets easy,” Detective Probst said, his voice cracking.

Six years old, kidnapped, mutilated and buried.

2015©isadoradelavega

 

 

Genre – Fiction

Word Count – 100

PHOTO PROMPT – ©sandra cook

The challenge is to write a story in 100 words – beginning, middle and end.

To join in the challenge – click here

 

Author: Inside the Mind of Isadora

Intriguing, sensitive, mysterious, loving, artistic and crackling with excitement for life is a pretty good description of who I am. I just retired from the world of art where I sold my Artfully Designed Handmade Jewelry for 28 years; although, art will always be a part of whom I am no matter what venue I choose to express it.

24 thoughts on “Friday Fictioneers – Underground

  1. Wow! This is quite the deviation from your normal writing, which only goes to show how versatile a writer you are. Very snappy prose and dialogue. Paints a vivid, gruesome picture. Well done, Izzy!

    Liked by 1 person

    • That’s why the blog is called ‘Inside the Mind of Isadora’. There’s a lot of stories rolling around the mind. I was influenced by my many years of being the wife a NYPD policeman. There’s a slew of stories – both sad and heartwarming. But, it can be painful to go there. It was a hard and lonely life. This was a fiction story with sprinkles of truth. And, yes it was gruesome for those involved – i.e.: my hubby. 😞
      Thank you for your very complimentary comment, Lorna. I think the story was good. I need to correct the structure as pointed out by Rochelle, the challenge coordinator. She points out some good writing corrections for those who want to improve the craft of writing. I’m open to getting the help I need before I can place these stories into a book.
      This is my bucket list. I haven’t gotten very far. But, I never lose hope. We can accomplish all things with hope.
      Many hugs for your kind words. 😍

      Liked by 1 person

      • I agree with not centering the prose, but I followed the dialogue just fine. It was crisp and different enough in voice to know who was who. I think it was great and you know I would give you honest feedback one way or the other. 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

        • I know you would give me good advice, Lorna. And, I wouldn’t expect anything less than a critique that would direct me. You’ve always been very supportive of my writing. I am very grateful for whatever you tell me. One can’t expect to improve without critique. Thank you, dear friend. 😍

          Liked by 1 person

          • So true, and it’s rare to get an honest, constructive critique around these parts–even when you ask for one. I have a short essay I want to submit to a writing contest and need some feedback on. Was thinking of putting it on my blog, but I don’t think I would get the kind of constructive feedback I’m really looking for.

            Like

  2. It’s sad all the way through and I could feel the tension with the police officers. It was sad, but when it got to the end it was gut wrenching sad. Excellent writing. I will say there were a few sentences that I wasn’t sure who was saying what but it certainly didn’t ruin the story and I could “somewhat” determine who was saying what. I get called out a lot on my dialogues for the same reason, especially when I am trying to watch my word count.

    Liked by 1 person

    • First let me say, Priceless Joy, that I had a cat that looked exactly like yours. His name was Marshmellow. He passed over the rainbow bridge 2 years ago at the age of 28. He was loved. He let us know that by sticking around a very long time. Aww … give the kitty a head-rub from me. 😍
      I thank you for your constructive comment. I’m trying to improve my writing skills. The only way to learn is to have someone gently tell you how to do it better. Rochelle was kind to point that writing issue too. Since I’m a beginner, I tend to watch the word count and get lost along the way. I will focus more on that. In fact, I may correct that issue to make it easier for others to read it. 😃 I’m enjoying the company of so many prestigious writers. I’m honored that I am receiving visitors. Thank you so much for visiting my blog. It’s been a pleasure to meet you and to receive your wonderful comment. 😍

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Dear Isadora,

    The dialogue worked well, although at times I found myself confused as to who was saying what. I think it would’ve worked better if it hadn’t been centered like a poem. Nonetheless, your ending was gut-wrenching and I didn’t think the language was offensive in the slightest. A complete story.

    Shalom,

    Rochelle

    Liked by 1 person

    • Dear Rochelle,
      I appreciate your pointing the dialog confusion out to me. I was a little lost myself. When I would read it back I sensed there was something off. I couldn’t figure it out. I write a lot of poetry. I suppose my mind was in that mode. I’m going to edit and make the changes.
      It was a gut wrenching story retold to me that I transformed into a fiction to protect those involved. It’s heard
      about in the news too often.
      I’m pleased and smiling widely that you felt it was a complete story. Thank you very much.
      Adios,
      Isadora

      Like

  4. Wonderfully written story, Issy. Such a sad story though. 😦

    Liked by 1 person


  5. Duminica binecuvantata alaturi de cei dragi!
    Sunday blessed with your loved ones!

    Liked by 1 person

  6. i love the story, it kept me going to the end

    Liked by 1 person

  7. I didn’t expect that ending! … which also means, Well done!

    Liked by 1 person

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