Inside the Mind of Isadora


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Joke: Life could be Worse

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There I was sitting at the bar staring at my drink when a large, trouble-making biker steps up next to me, grabs my drink and gulps it down in one swig.
“Well, what are you gonna do about it?” he says, menacingly, as I burst into tears.
“Come on, man,” the biker says, “I didn’t think you’d CRY. I can’t stand to see a man crying.”
“This is the worst day of my life,” I say.

“I’m a complete failure. I was late to a meeting and my boss fired me. When I went to the parking lot, I found my car had been stolen and I don’t have any insurance. I left my wallet in the cab I took home. I found my wife with another man… and then my dog bit me.
“So I came to this bar to work up the courage to put an end to it all.

I buy a drink, I drop a capsule in and sit here watching the poison dissolve; and then you show up and drink the whole damn thing!”
But, hell, enough about me.  How are you doing?”

 

***** Goggle Image – Shutterstock


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In Need of Humor? – Thanksgiving Groaners

 

turkey-xtgoqkzbcWhat happened when the turkey got into a fight?
He got the stuffing knocked out of him.

Why did they let the turkey join the band?
Because he had the drumsticks

What do you get when you cross a turkey with an octopus?
More than enough drumsticks for Thanksgiving

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What did the mother turkey say to her disobedient children?
“If your father could see you now, he’d turn over in his gravy.”

What sound does a space turkey make?
Hubble, Hubble, Hubble.

turkey-run-turkey-time
Why did the turkey cross the road?
It was the chicken’s day off.

What do you get when you cross a turkey with a banjo?
A turkey that can pluck itself.

turkey-thacar12

Why did the police arrest the turkey?
They suspected it of fowl play

What holiday do they celebrate in prison?
Shanksgiving.

What did the turkey say to the computer?
Google, google, google.

turkey-stuffed_turkey_thanksgiving_poster-rcbac8439fc4b43d1bfeadcb58db2ed07_wvk_8byvr_324
Who is not hungry at Thanksgiving?
The turkey because he’s already stuffed.

What do you get if you divide the circumference of a pumpkin by its diameter?
Pumpkin pi.

What do you call a stuffed animal?
You after Thanksgiving.

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If I was a turkey, I’d be doing everything I could to taste terrible right now.

Hope these gave you a chuckle
in between your hectic preparations for Thanksgiving.

Blessings to all …

Isadora  

turkey-happy-tday-8ce66bp6i

Google Images

Dreamtime Images


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In Need of Humor? Cinderella at 75

Cinderella was now 75 years old.  After a fulfilling life with the now passed-away Prince, she happily sat upon her rocking chair, watching the world go by from her front porch, with her cat named Alan for companionship. One sunny afternoon, out of nowhere, appeared the Fairy Godmother.

Cinderella said: “Fairy Godmother, what are you doing here after all these years?”

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The Fairy Godmother replied: “Well, Cinderella, as you have lived a good, wholesome life since we last met, I have decided to grant you three wishes. Is there anything for which your heart still yearns?”

Cinderella was overjoyed, and after some thoughtful consideration, almost under her breath, she uttered her first wish:
“I wish I was wealthy beyond comprehension.”

Instantly, her rocking chair was turned into solid gold. Cinderella was stunned. Alan, her old faithful cat, jumped off her lap and scampered to the edge of the porch, quivering with fear.

Old-fashioned chair on black background 3D render

Cinderella said: “Oh thank you, Fairy Godmother!”

The Fairy Godmother replied: “It’s the least I can do. What does your heart desire for your second wish?”

Cinderella looked down at her frail body and said: “I wish I were young and full of the beauty of youth again.”

At once, her wish became reality, and her beautiful youthful visage returned. Cinderella felt stirrings inside her that had been dormant for years. And long forgotten vigor and vitality began to course through her very soul.

Beautiful Girl in Fantasy Mystical and Magical Spring Garden

Then, the Fairy Godmother again spoke: “You have one more wish, what will you have?”

Cinderella looked over to the frightened cat in the corner and said: “I wish you to transform Alan my old cat into a beautiful and handsome young man.”

Magically, Alan suddenly underwent a fundamental change in his biological make-up, that, when complete, he stood before her a boy so beautiful – the likes of which – neither she nor the world had ever seen – so fair, indeed, that birds began to fall from the sky at his feet.

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The Fairy Godmother again spoke: “Congratulations, Cinderella. Enjoy your new life!”

And, with a blazing shock of bright blue electricity, she was gone.

For a few eerie moments, Alan and Cinderella looked into each other’s eyes. Cinderella sat, breathless, gazing at the most stunningly perfect boy she had ever seen.

Then Alan walked over to Cinderella, who sat transfixed in her rocking chair, and held her close in his strong, youthful arms. He leaned in close to her ear, whispered, blowing her golden hair with his warm breath:

“I bet you regret having me neutered now, don’t you?”

Screaming woman. Isolated over white background.

 

******Google Images

*****A friend sent me this funny Cinderella tale.

I think we all could use a little humor right now.


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I’m Addicted

WARNING – An unusual post for me – Joke may be a bit BLUE

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Today is Wednesday in these here parts of Florida.  I’m mentioning this for those of you who reside in other places.

Yesterday, Tuesday, I realized that I’m addicted to my tech toys.

My electric was off which meant nothing was working.

Yes, I did pay my bill.

Yes, we’ve had some very, very high winds because of tropical storm Earl. He decided to by-pass my area but the rains

must have flooded power lines.

Candlelight is nice for a romantic evening.

But, no phone, , no cell, no computer, no television – Tuesday night is America’s Got Talent – I need to vote for the best talent.

Begrudgingly, I took out a book to read on my Kindle which has a small light besides the bright screen.

I wasn’t happy.

I wanted to catch-up on some blogs; I wanted to post something. I wanted to check-up on my kids and grandkids on FB.

Then, I realized how awful that was.

At one time, a book or a mind expanding scrabble game would have taken precedence over electronics.

I wanted a pick-me-up. I took a joke book from my office book shelf and with a flashlight started to recite a joke to hubby.

Then, he recited one back to me. Before we knew it, we were laughing hysterically.

Perhaps, the glass of wine – Mmmm .. maybe, two – helped.

For your laughing pleasure … here is one joke that had me laughing hysterically.

Of course, besides the wine, it may be funny because I went to Catholic school.

Enjoy …

Isadora

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Sky - Clouds

Three nuns who had recently died were on their way to heaven. At the pearly gates they were met by St. Peter.

Around the gates there was a collection of lights and bells.

St. Peter stopped them and told them that they would each have to answer a question before they could enter through the pearly gates.

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 St. Paul: “What were the names of the two people in the garden of Eden?”


1st nun: “Adam and Eve.

“
The lights flashed the bells rang and in she went through the pearly gates.

St. Paul: “What did Adam eat from the forbidden tree ?”

2nd nun: “An apple.

“
The lights flashed the bells rang and in she went through the pearly gates.

St. Paul: “What was the first thing Eve said to Adam ?”

3rd nun: After a few minutes of thinking she says “Gosh, that’s a hard one!”


The lights flashed …

Angel - Pearly Gates


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I’ve been thinking of infusing a little humor on my blog because there’s been so much tragedy in the news lately. Summer is coming to an end. The autumn weather will soon bring cooler temperatures. Those living in areas where the climates are cooler will settle in and need a boost of humor to keep their spirits up.  If you’ve been following me for some time you know I live in Florida. There are a great many elderly people who reside here. A few of them have become close friends despite the age difference. I’m quite used to their sense of humor about aging and being elderly. This was sent to me by one of those friends. I hope you enjoy without taking offense.

If you have a joke you’d like to share, create a post on your blog and leave the url with your comment.                                              Thank you for smiling today …
Isadora

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21699400-Smiling-Scientist-Or-Professor-Over-Blank-Sign-Stock-Vector-cartoon-doctor-professor.web

An old geezer, who’d been a farmer for a long time, became very bored with it and decided to open a medical clinic. He put a sign up outside that said:

Dr. Geezer’s clinic. “Get your treatment for $500, if you’re not cured you get back $1,000.”

Doctor Young, who was positive that this old geezer didn’t know beans about medicine, thought this would be a great opportunity to get $1,000.

He decided to go to Dr. Geezer’s clinic.

This is what transpired:



Dr. Young: “Dr. Geezer, I’ve lost all taste in my mouth. Can you please help me?”
Dr. Geezer:  “Nurse, please bring medicine from box #22 and put 3 drops in Dr. Young’s mouth.”

Dr. Young: “Aaagh !!! ”That’s Gasoline!”

Dr. Geezer: “Congratulations! You’ve got your taste back. That will be $500.”

Dr. Young is annoyed but goes back after a couple of days figuring he’d try to recover his money.

Dr Young:  “I’ve lost my memory, I cannot remember anything. Can you please help me?”

Dr. Geezer:  “Nurse, please bring medicine from box #22 and put 3 drops in the patient’s mouth.”

Doctor Young:  “Oh no you don’t.  That’s Gasoline!”

Dr. Geezer:  “Congratulations! You’ve got your memory back. That will be $500.”

Dr. Young: (after having lost $1000, by now) leaves angrily and comes back after several more days.”

Dr. Young:  “Doctor, my eyesight has become weak I can hardly see!”

Dr. Geezer:  “Well, I don’t have any medicine for that so – “Here’s your $1000 back.”

Dr. Young:  “But, Doctor, this is only $500…”

Dr. Geezer: “Congratulations!  You got your vision back!  That will be $500.

“

Moral of story  —  Just because you’re “Young” doesn’t mean that you can outsmart an old “Geezer ” !!!!

😆 😆 😆 😆 😆

old-age-cartoon-doctors-pensioners


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Pondering from Mabel – Aids Warning

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It’s been real nice down by the lake now that Spring is around the corner. The swans are swimming ‘round in circles, dancing to the sound of the waterfall. They keep this assisted living facility real nice for us folks.

Just yesterday, Bubba came by when I was watchin’ them and told me he liked watching the swans too. “It’s real peaceful”, he said. I told you about Bubba last time we visited. He’s taken a likin’ to me. Bless his heart. I enjoy talking to him but my Fred has my heart and I still miss him.

We talked about ole crabby George. He was taken from his place a few days after our Valentine’s Day dance. Looks like he had prostrate cancer. We wondered why he’d gotten so thin. He was a grumpy ole codger. Didn’t like talkin’ to folks. He made a fuss about everything. But, no reason to talk ill of the dead. We both figured he might be happier now. Well, enough of that sad talk.

Bubba’s a funny guy. He’s always tellin’ me jokes. I thought you might like hearin’ one.  Here goes:

~~~~~~~~ There’s an Aid’s Warning out ~~~~~~~~

To all of you approaching 55 years or older – this is a warning for you
Seniors are the leading carriers of AIDS!!!
Gardening aids
Hearing aids
Band Aids
Walking aids
Medical Aids
most of all Monetary Aids for their kids.
Not forgetting HIV …. Hair is Vanishing!!!
And finally, the most dreadful Aids : Acute Income Deficiency Syndrome

  ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Wasn’t that funny? I love seein’ my friends here at the assisted living home smilin’.
Heck, if we can’t laugh at ourselves than we’re really old farts. Tell someone a joke from time to time. It makes the day go better when we can see ourselves in a humorous way.

Come back and see what else I’m pondering …..
Live Life, Mabel
2015©isadoradelavega

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THOUGHT FOR THE DAY:

 Life is too short to be anything but happy. 

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***** Mabel is a character I’ve developed for the purpose of writing about life

with a tongue-in-cheek sense of humor from a seniors citizens point of view.

A few other Ponderings from Mabel:

 Pondering from Mabel – Love is in the Air at my assisted Living

Pondering from Mabel – Recalling Love and Marriage

Pondering from Mabel – Be Kind to the Elderly